The Living Needed in Ethical Relationships
5:22 — 6:9
Between Wife and Husband
EPHESIANS 5:22-6:9 (NKJV)
5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
5:23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
5:24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
5:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
5:27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she
should be holy and without blemish.
5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
5:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
5:31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one
flesh.”
5:32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that
she respects her husband.
Ephesians 6
Children and Parents
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:
3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Bondservants and Masters
5 Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of
heart, as to Christ;
6 not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart,
7 with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men,
8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.
9 And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven,
and there is no partiality with Him.
Chapter 5
Notes and Cross-references
Eph 5:221a Wives - vv. 22-23: Col. 3:18-19
The relationship between wives and husbands is connected to the matter of being filled in spirit. Only by being filled in our
spirit can we have a proper married life, a figure of the relationship between Christ and the church.
Eph 5:222 to
This is one kind of subjection implied in v. 21. In his exhortation concerning married life, the apostle dealt first with wives,
since wives, like Eve in Gen. 3, deviate from the right way more easily than husbands. First Peter 3:7 says that the wife is
the weaker vessel. In his exhortations concerning wives and husbands, children and parents, and slaves and masters,
Paul took care of first the weaker side and then the stronger side.
Eph 5:223 own
Most wives appreciate and respect others’ husbands; hence, the apostle exhorted wives to be subject to their own
husbands as to the Lord, regardless of what kind of husbands they have. In the same principle, when Paul addressed
husbands, he exhorted them to love their own wives (vv. 28, 33). If we desire to live according to reality, by grace, and in
love and light, we must not compare our wife or husband with others’.
Eph 5:232 Savior
Christ is not only the Head of the church but also the Savior of the Body. His being the Head is a matter of authority,
whereas His being the Savior is a matter of love. We must be subject to Him as our Head, and we must love Him as our
Savior.
Eph 5:241 But
The thought here is this: although husbands are not the saviors of their wives in the way that Christ is the Savior of the
church, wives still need to be subject to their husbands as the church is to Christ.
Eph 5:242 everything
According to the divine ordination, the subjection of wives to their husbands should be absolute, without any choice. This
does not mean that they should obey their husbands in everything. Obeying is different from being subject. With
obedience, the emphasis is on compliance, whereas with subjection, the emphasis is on subordination. In sinful things,
things against God and the Lord, wives should not obey their husbands. However, they should still be in subjection to
them. In a similar situation, Daniel’s three friends disobeyed the Babylonian king’s order to worship the idol, yet still
subjected themselves to the king’s authority (Dan. 3:13-23).
Eph 5:251a love - Eph. 5:28, 33
The opposite of being subject is to rule; however, the apostle did not exhort husbands to rule over their wives but to love
them. In married life, the wife’s obligation is to be subject and the husband’s is to love. The wife’s subjection plus the
husband’s love constitutes a proper married life and typifies the normal church life, in which the church is subject to Christ
and Christ loves the church. Love is the very element, the inner substance, of God (1 John 4:8, 16). The goal of this book
is to bring us into God’s inner substance that we may enjoy God as love and enjoy His presence in the sweetness of the
divine love, and thereby love others as Christ did.
Eph 5:261a sanctify - Heb. 10:10, 14; 13:12; John 17:17
Christ’s purpose in giving Himself up for the church is to sanctify her, not only separating her to Himself from everything
common but also saturating her with His element that she may be His counterpart. He accomplishes this by cleansing her
by the washing of the water in the word.
Eph 5:262b washing - 1 Cor. 6:11
Lit., laver. In Greek the definite article is used before this word, causing it to refer to the laver, the laver that was known to
all the Jews. In the Old Testament the priests used the laver to wash away their earthly defilement (Exo. 30:18-21). Now
the laver, the washing of the water, washes us from defilement.
Eph 5:263 water
According to the divine concept, water here refers to the flowing life of God, which is typified by flowing water (Exo. 17:6;
1 Cor. 10:4; John 7:38-39; Rev. 21:6; 22:1, 17). The washing of the water here is different from the washing of the
redeeming blood of Christ. The redeeming blood washes away our sins (1 John 1:7; Rev. 7:14), whereas the water of life
washes away the blemishes of the natural life of our old man, such as the “spot or wrinkle or any such things” mentioned
in v. 27. In separating and sanctifying the church, the Lord first washes away our sins with His blood (Heb. 13:12) and
then washes away our natural blemishes with His life. We are now in such a washing process, that the church may be
holy and without blemish (v. 27).
Eph 5:264c word - John 15:3; 17:17
The Greek word denotes an instant word. The indwelling Christ as the life-giving Spirit is always speaking an instant,
present, living word to metabolically cleanse away the old and replace it with the new, causing an inward transformation.
The cleansing by the washing of the water of life is in the word of Christ. This indicates that in the word of Christ there is
the water of life. This is typified by the laver situated between the altar and the tabernacle (Exo. 38:8; 40:7).
Eph 5:271a present - 2 Cor. 11:2; Col. 1:22; cf. Gen. 2:22
In the past, Christ as the Redeemer gave Himself up for the church (v. 25) for redemption and the impartation of life (John
19:34); in the present, He as the life-giving Spirit is sanctifying the church through separation, saturation, transformation,
growth, and building up; and in the future, He as the Bridegroom will present the church to Himself as His counterpart for
His satisfaction. Therefore, Christ’s loving the church is to separate and sanctify her, and His separating and sanctifying
the church are to present her to Himself.
Eph 5:272b church - Matt. 16:18
In this section of exhortation the apostle presented another aspect of the church, that of the bride. This aspect reveals that
the church comes out of Christ, as Eve came out of Adam (Gen. 2:21-22), that it has the same life and nature as Christ,
and that it becomes one with Him as His counterpart, as Eve became one flesh with Adam (Gen. 2:24). The church as the
new man is a matter of grace and reality, whereas the church as the bride of Christ is a matter of love and light. The
apostle’s exhortation in ch. 4 is focused on the new man, which has grace and reality as its basic elements, whereas his
exhortation in this chapter is focused on the bride of Christ, which has love and light as its basic substances. In grace and
reality we should walk as the new man, and in love and light we should live as the bride of Christ.
Eph 5:273 glorious
Glory is God expressed. Hence, to be glorious is to be God-expressing. Eventually, the church presented to Christ will be
a God-expressing church.
Eph 5:274 spot
The spot here signifies something of the natural life, and wrinkles are related to oldness. Only the water of life can
metabolically wash away such defects by the transformation of life.
Eph 5:275c holy - Eph. 1:4; Col. 1:22
To be holy is to be saturated with Christ and transformed by Christ, and to be without blemish is to be spotless and
without wrinkle, having nothing of the natural life of our old man.
Eph 5:291a nourishes - John 21:15, 17; 1 Cor. 3:2
To nourish is to feed us with the living word of the Lord. To cherish is to nurture us with tender love and foster us with
tender care, outwardly softening us through tender warmth that we may have soothing, comfortable rest inwardly. This is
the way Christ cares for the church, His Body.
Chapter 6
Notes and Cross-references
Eph 6:11a Children - vv. 1-4: Col. 3:20-21
In exhorting the children and the parents, the apostle dealt with the children first, since trouble comes mostly from the
children.
Verses 1-9, which deal with the relationship between children and fathers and between slaves and masters, are inserted
between the section on the church as the bride (5:22-33) and the section on the church as the warrior (vv. 10-20). If we
neglect the points dealt with in vv. 1-9, we cannot be a proper bride or a proper warrior. In the exhortations in these
verses, Paul made one key point, which is a very important lesson for us to learn: for the sake of the church life, we need
to have a proper human living in this present age.
Eph 6:12b in - Eph. 4:1
In the Lord indicates that children need to obey their parents (1) by being one with the Lord, (2) not by themselves but by
the Lord, and (3) not according to their natural concept but according to the Lord’s word.
Eph 6:13 right
Or, just, reasonable. For children to obey their parents is not only right but also just.
Eph 6:21a Honor - Exo. 20:12; Deut. 5:16
Honoring is different from obeying. Obeying is an action, whereas honoring is an attitude. It is possible for children to obey
their parents without honoring them. In order to honor their parents, children need an honoring attitude, an honoring spirit.
All children need to learn to obey their parents and, at the same time, honor them.
Life-Message Sixty-Two
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHILDREN AND FATHERS
Verse 1 says, "The children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." In exhorting the children and the parents, the
apostle deals with the children first, since trouble comes mostly from them.
In this verse Paul does not simply speak of children, but of the children. By using the definite article before children Paul
indicates that the children of believers are not common. They are different from the children of people in the world.
Therefore, the particular children, those in the families of believers, are exhorted to obey their parents in the Lord.
The phrase "in the Lord" indicates obedience to the parents by being one with the Lord. It also indicates that this should
be done not by self-effort, but by the Lord, and not according to the natural concept, but according to the Lord's word. The
children of believers should realize that they are to obey their parents by being one with the Lord. Moreover, they are to
obey their parents not by their own strength, but by the Lord Himself. Their obedience is to be according to the Lord's
word, according to the Scriptures. In this verse Paul says that for the children to obey their parents in the Lord is right. The
Greek word may also be rendered just. To obey the parents is both right and just.
In verses 2 and 3 Paul goes on to say, "Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise,
that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." This is not only the first commandment with a
promise, but also the first commandment concerning man's relationship with man (Exo. 20:12). The promise, mentioned in
verse 3, is that it may be well with the children and that they may live long on the earth. The first part of the promise is
related to prosperity in material blessing; it also refers to living in a peaceful situation. The second part is to have
longevity. According to this commandment, prosperity and longevity are God's blessings in this life to those who honor
their parents.
Honoring is different from obeying. Obedience refers to an action, whereas honor denotes an attitude. It is possible for the
children to obey their parents without honoring them. In order to honor their parents, the children need a certain attitude, a
certain spirit. All the children need to learn to obey their parents with honor.
If we would live long on the earth, we need to honor our parents. Those who fail to honor their parents commit suicide in a
gradual way. They actually shorten their life on earth. If you wish to prolong your days, learn to obey your parents with
honor. In the Bible this is the unique condition for having a long life. Anyone who desires a long life needs to fulfill this
condition.
Father
In verse 4 Paul turns to the fathers: "And the fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the
discipline and admonition of the Lord." Provoking to anger damages the children by stirring up their flesh. It is always
destructive for parents to be angry with their children. For this reason, I counsel the parents not to lose their temper when
dealing with their children. Not provoking the children's anger requires the fathers' anger to be dealt with by remaining
under the cross. The only way we can keep from losing our temper is to stay on the cross. In dealing with your children's
wrongdoings or misbehavior, you must firstly go to the cross and stay there. Otherwise, you will lose your temper, and this
loss of temper will provoke your children's anger.
Instead of provoking the children to anger, the fathers are to nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. To
nurture children means to bring them up, to raise them, by nourishing them. Raising children requires that the parents give
them the needed instruction related to human life, family life, and social life. The word admonition here includes
instruction. Paul was probably referring to the Old Testament requirement that parents instruct their children with the word
of God (Deut. 6:7). This means that we are to teach our children with the Bible. Along with this instruction, we sometimes
must discipline them, chastise them. It is crucial that parents learn to nurture the children in the discipline and admonition
of the Lord.
As parents, we must do our duty with respect to our children. This means that we should not only teach them, but also set
up an example for them to follow. Just as the Lord Jesus sanctified Himself for the sake of His disciples (John 17:19), so
parents should sanctify themselves for the sake of their children. Those who do not have children may be free to do
certain things, such as sleep late in the morning. But those with children do not have the liberty to do these things. For the
sake of their children, they must be restricted. Children always imitate their parents. Therefore, it is the parents'
responsibility to set up a high standard and a proper pattern and example for their children to follow.
However, no matter how good an example is set by the parents, how the children develop depends on God's mercy. On
the one hand, the parents must keep a high standard, but on the other hand, they need to trust in the Lord. Day by day we
should tell Him, "Lord, these children are not mine; they are Your possession placed in my custody for a period of time.
Lord, what I am doing with them is simply fulfilling my responsibility. How they will turn out, Lord, depends absolutely on
Your mercy."
It is possible for parents to be selfish concerning the spiritual welfare of their children. If their children get saved and
become spiritual, they are very happy. However, these parents may not be happy to see the children of other families
becoming more spiritual than their children. Most parents in the church hope that their children will become the future
apostles, elders, and deacons. Thus, even in this matter, we are selfish.
I once read of a certain woman who prayed desperately for her child to be saved. Although she prayed daily for years, still
her child was not saved. One day she inquired of the Lord why He did not answer her prayers and keep His promise. The
Lord told her that He would surely keep His promise and answer her prayers. However, she was too selfish. If she would
stop praying so much for her child and begin to pray for the children of others, she would see His faithfulness. From that
time onward, she began to pray for other children to be saved. After a short while, her child was saved.
This story illustrates the fact that we may be selfish even in praying for the salvation of our children. Not to pray for our
children is wrong, but to be fully occupied with prayer for them in a selfish way is also wrong. Hence, the matter of the
salvation of our children and their spiritual welfare is also a test to us.
BETWEEN SLAVES AND MASTERS
In 6:5-9 Paul deals with the relationship between slaves and masters. Concerning this relationship, he exhorts the slaves
first because the source of trouble is mostly with them. Verse 5 says, "The slaves, obey your masters according to flesh
with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ." In the apostle's time, slaves were purchased by their
masters, and the masters had the right over their lives. Some slaves and some masters became brothers in the church.
As brothers in the church, they were equal. But in their homes those who were slaves still had to obey the brothers who
were their masters according to flesh.
Paul exhorts the slaves to obey with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as to Christ. Fear is the inward motive, and
trembling is the outward attitude. Singleness means to be pure in motive, with only a single purpose. The slaves are to be
single; they are not to have a double purpose. That is, they are not to serve their masters with the intention of receiving
some gain for themselves.
The slaves are to be in obedience to their masters as to Christ. This means that the slaves are to regard their masters as
if they were the Lord. The relationship between slaves and masters is a type of our relationship with Christ, our Master.
We should obey Him as a slave, in singleness of heart.
In verse 6 Paul goes on to say, "Not with eye-service as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from
the soul." If a brother in slavery stands in his position and obeys his master, he is in the eyes of the Lord a slave of Christ,
doing the will of God, and his service is as to the Lord and not to men (v. 7). Such a slave is to do the will of God from the
soul. The words "from the soul" here equal from the heart, from the inner being. This means to serve not only with the
physical body, but with the heart. The slaves were to serve "as to the Lord and not to men." This indicates that Paul's
intention was to direct the slaves to the Lord. His desire was that they would learn to serve their masters as the Lord.
Concerning the slaves, Paul concludes in verse 8, "Knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he shall receive
from the Lord, whether a slave or a freeman." The word this refers to the good thing. Whatever good thing we do, we shall
receive the same from the Lord. If the slaves do something good, the Lord will return to them that same good thing. This
means that the good thing they do will become a reward to them.
Masters
In verse 9 Paul says, "And the masters, do the same things toward them, giving up threatening, knowing that both their
Master and yours is in the heavens, and there is no respect of persons with Him." The masters who had the right over the
lives of their purchased slaves should give up threatening, because the Lord in the heavens is the real Master of both
them and the slaves. In the flesh, some may be slaves, and others may be masters. But in the eyes of the Lord, there is
no difference between slaves and masters. According to Colossians 3:11, in the new man there is no slave or freeman. In
the church, we all are brothers. However, in the flesh there still is the distinction between slaves and masters. Regarding
all these exhortations, Paul is making one key point: For the sake of the church life, we need to have a proper human
living in this present age. This is an extremely important lesson for us all to learn.